Some Alarming Figures

With the emergence of the #Metoo phenomenon in October 2017, there are more and more reports of harassment and sexual assault from both men and women around the world. Sexual consent has never been put forward at this level, and we realize that there is a lot of confusion and misunderstanding about this very important notion in interpersonal relationships.

According to the latest 2017-2018 statistics, 1 in 3 women have been victims of at least one sexual assault since the age of 16. As for men, 1 in 6 will be sexually assaulted during his life. This data does not include third-world or more “extremist” countries, but only our western societies where respect and equality are supposed to be our core values. According to the same sources, 90% of sexual assaults are not reported to the police. In the vast majority of cases, the sexual assault victim already knew the perpetrator.

Myths and Stereotypes

Who has never heard someone say that “it is difficult for a man to control his sexual desire in front of a beautiful woman”? That men always want sex, that they are predators? That a woman does not really say what she wants, that she says no first, but that she will end up changing her mind if we insist a little? That a woman who dresses daringly should not be surprised if a man tries to attack her? Big sexist stereotypes and stereotypes still persist today. Women who have been assaulted are often accused of not shouting, not having struggled or fled. This shows how very little we know about human reactions!

Fear very often provokes a storm of emotions that paralyzes psychically as well as physically. The body no longer responds because fear takes full control. In addition, victims of sexual assault are often blamed for not having reported their abuser earlier. The guilt, shame and fear of not being believed, the fear of the reaction of those around them are some strong reasons (among others) why they often prefer to keep quiet.

The Rules of Consent

Sexual assault is defined as ANY forced sexual contact, whether it involves violence, emotional blackmail, the use of guilt, threats or not. It is an act where there has been no free and informed consent between one or more people. The age of sexual consent is 16 in most western countries. Before this age, it is impossible for a child or adolescent to consent to sexual activities with an adult.

There is no consent if there is use of alcohol and / or drugs, if one of the persons is in a position of authority, if there is presence of fear or force or if a person is unconscious or in a state of sleep. Consent to a sexual relationship can be given verbally or not. A person can agree by his behavior. Silence does not equate to consent. It is important to ensure that the person agrees before continuing sexual advances and observing their non-verbal behavior (body language). A person that is stiff like an iron bar does not show a desire to have sex! Many women are reluctant to assert themselves, afraid to hurt the feelings of others, afraid to look authoritarian, or to aggravate the violent behavior of their partner. It is important to know that we can withdraw our consent at any time even if we are completely naked with someone and even if we intimate action has already started. It is better to take the chance to perhaps displease the other by stopping the sexual relation than to force oneself to do something that one no longer wants.

Remember, without voluntary consent, it’s an assault!
Keep in mind that without Yes, it’s No!

Keep in mind that without Yes, it’s No!